面对镜子，看清自己..ha.我一直认为自己是个心智健全的青年，可能对浪漫的狂热，造成自己个性比较软弱的一面。重感情，爱幻想，而且或多或少带点浪漫气息。。。哈。。。所以，一直以来都爱观看爱情连续剧，电影，也对爱情小说爱不释手。现在，有了一点点成熟的思想，我现在研究着爱情是何物？！到现在，好像爱情这两个字还没有真正的定义。对它的研究感到蛮兴趣的。我其实不相信什么一见钟情这类话，这些都是一些小说家笔下安排莫名其妙的爱情。但我坚信有真爱这回事，有人却反驳说没有。还是继续探索吧。值得深思的事还有审观。我认为美不美都是个人的观点问题。美与丑， 一向都没有绝对的标准。可能，我喜欢的那种就是那些没有一丝虚伪与矫饰，要单纯的。哈。
从某个地方kope 过来的：
世界上没有一份爱情里，是没有惊涛骇浪的。
Today i used my half day to 研究 how to use Photoshop CS. Haha .. read the tutorial which is provided along wif the programme. Not tat useful after all. Had to explore on my own. I learned about designing today! I even tried to use the programme > practical … lolz. Learning juz the theory is not enuf. Haha .. the displayed pic tat i m using rite now is the product! haa .. i even successfully got rid of e necklace ard my neck! i looked so farnie wif it ard my neck. incredible rite?! i also got rid of e "red eyes" in some photos tat i took during the DJ ｃｏｍｐｅｔｉｔｉｏｎ！ ｔｈｅ "red eyes" are caused by the reflection of flash in the retina. 哈哈。photoshop CS is quite useful. I still need to explore more. I wan to be a designer next time if possible. Till now, i hav done many designings like t shirt design, photoalbum design, namecard design, badges design, flash design …
[refer to my photo album "photo related to entries" for more pics!]
miss my hamsters so so so much …. how r they now? … worried … reali hope tat they r fine …:s
刚刚又从百货公司回来。买了一大堆食物，大多数都是零食啦，饼干啦，面啦，日常用品啦。花费不少，有一点为父母感到心疼。hiya,我已尽量地少买了。刚刚经过一家专买怡保的土产。现在才发现原来有那么多。我就只知道香饼，柚子而已。haiz .. 我究竟是不是怡保人啊？！这里还有著名的白咖啡，鸡仔饼等。哇！一定带一点回去新加坡让我的朋友尝尝。有一位特别爱吃香饼，尤其她的姐姐。我第一天带去给她的家人，她竟然在我面前吃了两个！哇！我还舍不得吃呢，我还担心热气呢！既然这么喜欢吃，就顺便带一些给她们吧。刚刚还去吃了怡保著名的芽菜鸡！哈。来到怡保，非吃不可！芽菜又肥又大又甜！然后，我们一家人到pasar malam 逛一回。发现香港原来有这么多美食的！有erm …. 有点记不起来。酥盐鸡。。。香腊肠。。。等。哇！哈。有机会去台湾的人有口福了。有点羡慕。lolz ..:)
kope from my friend’s blog. 哈。有一些我有所同感。有一些值得深思。有一些我不认同。
“青春
我一直以为，我活不过十八岁
反正变成大人，一点都不好
你再也不能赖床，不能光明正大玩你心爱的玩具，更不能把不喜欢的责任推卸掉
最重要的是，你再也无法拥有纯真的笑容；因为大人，真的很肮脏
青春，到底是什麼？
是尽情恣意挥洒自我的岁月？
还是享受天真烂漫的游乐园？
无论如何，如果可以，我希望永远继续这样，永远不要长大，永远永远停留在我的十七岁”
一个人要永远永远停留在某一个岁数是不切实际的。我个人认为长大是一件好事。对我而言(我是一个瞒自恋的人，坚持认为不爱自己的人没有资格去爱别人！)，我很喜欢看 到自己每一天，每一个月，每一年在进步着，变成巨人。我可以逐渐看到自己在某一个阶段变成什么样的人。这些都是很有趣的。人生就是这样。看着自己长大犹如看着一个幼儿的成 长过程。从呀呀学语开始>学会走路>开始玩玩具>开始出乳牙>认亲人>认字。。。。。看到自己无论在心里上、身体上的变化。自己的变化就决定你就是谁，也决定你的未来。而我呢？我感到很欣慰。因为我看得到我的好，看得到别人难得的好价值。这些只有本人知道就好了。觉得自己太成熟，也不见的是。我有时还会扮扮傻，凸显出自己还是天真烂漫的。:p 识自己的成长犹如看一部电影吧！
“秘密
一个人心中，可以藏住多少秘密？
一个秘密，又可以藏住多少年？
我的秘密，都锁在一个盒子里， 有的痛苦，有的快乐，有的伤心，有的悲哀， 还有的
连我自己都想忘记
一个人的心中，原来可以有很多很多的秘密”
赞同！一个人的秘密确实有很多很多。我的秘密多得只有自己知，就连最亲近的朋友，家人都无从知道。以前的我是瞒内向的。一切的东西都往自己的口里咽，往肚里吞。现在，我的秘密有时不经意地说了出来，或者可能在我的博客出现，或者永远埋藏在我心里处，带入墓地。以前的我从来不把喜怒哀乐摆在我的脸上。即使是伤心，无论在谁的面前，我都会尽力地掩饰。我了解到自己一个人承受痛苦是很辛苦的。因此，我也不常为别人带来痛苦。假设某一事件发生了，我宁愿选择自己一个人痛苦，也不要双方悲伤。痛苦，伤心，悲哀的秘密我这几年来都含着，都承受够了。难免会有爆发的一天。
“失去
最近，一个茫然脆弱的声音冷不防地问向自己： 你在害怕失去什麼？
失去你最心爱的洋娃娃； 失去你已得不到的一段初恋；失去你已失去的纯真笑容
在一点一滴的失去当中，你自以为拥有的， 不过是一具面目全非的春春屍骸罢了”
最近确实有这么一把声音地问我。就是这把声音弄得我很烦躁。烦死人了！我曾经对几个人说我从此会专心，但是有时杂念会困绕我。妈妈对我说：“有缘的就是有缘，不能强求。”但是，缘分有时是靠自己争取，创造的。要不，我可以认识到她吗？失去的打击很大。我曾经说过的。我还不想去体验它。”
“承诺
如果，有人答应了你甚麼，只是出自一时的心情，或是一时的怜悯，不管他说得多麼信誓旦旦，那都不是承诺
真正的承诺，需要责任，也需要出自心底的信任；当对方点头的那一刹那，你们看著彼此的眼睛，知道把自己交到他的手上，将不会有任何的危险，而且有一种很安心、很自在的感觉
最真心的承诺，是至死都不会反悔的约定；当你知道有人愿意给你这样的保证，你真的会好开心，好开心，就好像全世界的风铃，同时响了起来
我们该相信承诺吗？
还是我们跟本不应该做出任何承诺
因为各种可能的理由，我们迟早会背叛我们的承诺，然後再用更多的谎言，去满足我们的背叛”
我在某一个生活营里曾经玩过一个很认真的游戏。一言难尽的游戏。这个游戏告诉我们要如何真心对待对方。双方都有责任为自己的行动/答覆做出代价。我们看着彼此的眼睛，心里做个打算，然后表现出来。我在这游戏中受创不少，因为有些人和我格格不入，简直没有心灵上的感应。但，这是都是少数的。我和大多数的人都有同样的答覆，因此双方都可以成为好朋友，甚至更上一层。总而言之，这些都是要从自己开始。只要自己出于一片真心，很多人会愿意和你做朋友。但当自己对某一人给予比平常人多一点的真诚对待时，这有时并不代表什么，因为这种感情是须要双方面的互动。虽然有时认为自己做好自己的本分就可以了，但这往往只会带来失望而已。承诺只可以留到最后。做了承诺就须付出和负责。所以，到目前为止，我虽然采取了一些行动，但这些都不是承诺，是达至承诺的行动而已。
“伪装”
最讨厌伪装的人，就是那些伪君子。虽然这样，但有时自己会不经意地伪装。只是为了包装自己，好让自己更受人欢迎，使自己的价值提高，并推销自己。但是，这是有技巧的，所以到头来不叫为伪装了。有实力，就可以卖弄。没有就别班门弄斧；有点点小聪明，就可以显示出来。没有就别弄巧成拙。总之，把自己闪耀的一面表现出来。没有就不要到处炫耀自己很厉害。有时，我感到蛮惊讶自己可以说得出这些话。可能自己本人就不是伪君子的缘故吧。
内疚。这是一种该如何解释的感觉呢？为何一些人没有这种内疚的感觉呢？为何一个亲手抚养长大的人对自己的母亲如此_____。我无话可说。没有一句形容词可以填充那个空格。简直违逆不道，人面兽心！这是家中的丑事。还是不要透露更多吧！我还是尽我的责任孝敬我的双亲。他们确实对我很好。刚才我的父亲对我说：“不用担心学费，我们是付得起的。”听了，我心里流这泪。可以说是哽咽吧？！我对我自己今年许下的诺言，我会去实现的。看着吧！
I went to Ipoh Parade at about 10am to source for souvenirs for drama camp participants. Haiz .. the shop is so big tat i have to 团团转。In the end, i got headache when i went back home. THe second reason to cause me to hv headache was the process of chooosing presents. Haiz .. i was reali indecisive. Or may be there are juz no practical and cheap presents. If you went into the shop, i bet you will be shocked by its decoration. you will 晕！Too many things! Too many 吊饰！Too many people! Wah … I spent like 3 hrs juz in tat shop. Haiz …
I went to 爬山 today. Haha .. quite enjoyable to do this activity wif my family. Since somebody is gonna to have dance almost everyday, i should not lose to her. Hmm .. from tmr onwards, shall go and play basketball almost everyday. Hmm … the farnie thing was tat 天不作美 when we were alreadi at the 半山腰！ haiz .. nvm .. sweat a lot. 肌肉长a lot. Lolz .. shall go n do more execise!
Later in the nite, we ate 板面! my favourite. It has been since a long time we the whole family worked together to come out wif 板面 and ate together. Last time i used to eat onli. This time i learned how to prepare 板面。quite simple actuali. May do it myself next time in Spore if got the time.
Today i learned a little bit on driving and 玩股票！haha .. feel facinated how the share market work! I suddenli had this 兴起 coz i din understand the newspapers’ 财经版！will go n invest my money next time once i learn everything ler. 
Today is quite normal. sien ~ Today i had my final touch up on my resume. Juz added in what i had done for this year. Wah .. my resume is 14-page long! wow ..i created my own resume. I recorded my achievements which i attained from my pri 6 till now. I also added some new features in my resume like skills tat i have learned be4, CCA achievements, awards tat i received be4, results (external & internal), testimonials from teachers .. blabla. Haha .. when i look at it, i juz felt proud to myself. Lolz … 沾沾自喜。不是啦。it is juz tat i m quite shocked tat i achieved a lot all these years. I will continue to work harder. Make it 20-page long. Haha .. the purpose i m completing this resume is to boost my confidence actuali. I have been feeling down all these years coz there were reali a lot ups and downs. Haiz .. cannot tahan liao. so i wanted to think of something that can boost my spirit. Ha ..so i think of coming out my own resume. Hee … next time dun have to do another resume (if i m asked to submit) and i will not leave out any detail .. hee (coz i constantly update it de :P). Yup, tmr will be a nice day! I will be goin shopping at Ipoh Parade. A giant shopping complex. Juz now i went there ler. Tmr i m goin to a particular shop which sells loz of stuff. Hee … i m juz interested in tat particular shop onli. :p
coming soon! my another camp is juz around the corner! izit? may be i m too excited. Today is onli 24th Nov. It is from 10th to 12th Dec. Yeah. i m gonna to hav fun in tat camp. Hmm!(angry + envy) somebody is goin far far away to hav fun while i m goin to a near near Penang to have my camp. Haiz .. nvm. I luv my country. I m patriotic. Shall hv my holidays in Msia. Lolz.
Ytd went to pasar malam. Missed the atmospher very much! Singapore doesnt have pasar malam if u dunno. It is a different kind of experience compared to window shopping in shopping mall where the place is icy cold. Suddenli it was raining cats n dogs while we were "window shopping". Haha … the hawkers were reali panicked! they packed everything up swiftly. haiz .. poor them. I was drenched in wet in the end. I managed to buy a new bag! the bag is quite cool and practical! haha .. shall use it next year!
The Brick
A young and successful
executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast
in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked
cars and slowed down when he thought he
saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick
smashed into the Jag’s side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the
Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of
the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting,
"What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you
doing? That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot
of money. Why did you do it?" The young boy was apologetic. "Please,
mister…please, I’m sorry but I didn’t know what else to do," He
pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop…"
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to
a spot just around a parked car. "It’s my brother, "he said.
"He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t
lift him up." Now sobbing, the
boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him
back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me." Moved beyond words,
the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He
hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took
out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick
look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may
God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up
for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother
down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow
walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver
never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to
remind him of this message: "Don’t go through life so fast that someone
has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"
我很喜欢这句 “你不会知道我为了等那清晨的一吻总提前十分钟醒来，偷偷看着你熟睡的脸，并在你睁开双眼之前，再假装睡着”。kope from one of my friends’ nick.
哈。kope this from a show that i watched today "表达了过后感觉真的很好。觉得自己勇敢得多了。心里的负担都卸了下来、心里的痰都吐了出来”。haha … agree. But, the feeling will last for very short onli. Of coz, hav to bear wateva consequence that comes after tat.
Suddenli find tat my duration to stay in front of the study table becomes shorter le ye. Still finding out what is the cause. Last time i could spend the whole day sitting in front of my study table de. Haiz … i think the problem is me lar. i shall tackle the problem slowly. shall set a goal first. Hmm .. shall draw 100 maps during holidays. Hmm … then i will consistently stay wif my study table. Haha ..
Haiz .. miss my best friend and my hamsters (Hammike and Hamtaro) in Spore. Emm … sad 
I shall ask my friend about their condition now. Hope they are still ok. Dunno y. I feel worried for them. Afraid tat they will leave me. Choi. I will still c them when i go back. Miss them so much. ~
